Soul of Aaron Rodgers requests trade to new person

Aaron Rodgers made rumors official by signing a one-year contract with the Pittsburgh Steelers on Saturday, a decision he later said to be “best for [his] soul.” 

However, his soul appears to have not been on board with that statement, requesting a trade to a new person early this morning. 

“I don’t appreciate someone speaking on my behalf without even consulting me. What’s the point of staying if I’m just going to be kept on the bench? If I can be frank with you, being here is a waste of my time, and I’m immortal,” explained the frustrated energy. 

After inhabiting Rodgers for 41 years, finding a new human may be tough. Even so, it’s a risk the spiritual veteran is willing to take. 

“Look, leaving isn’t easy. I’ve devoted decades to this being. I just think I haven't been shown the loyalty and consideration I deserve at this point,” said the weary soul. “If Aaron doesn’t actually want my guidance on anything, then this relationship has run its course.”

A release would be tricky, but not impossible. To make it work, the quarterback would need to open up his chakras in order to create an escape route. 

“I don’t care if I have to go through his throat, his heart, or hell, even his belly button. Exiting from his head would be fastest, but there’s no way he’d let anything touch his crown,” jeered the everlasting spirit. 

Attempts to reach Aaron Rodgers for comment have been unsuccessful, as despite his assertions, the four-time NFL MVP is completely oblivious to matters regarding the condition of his soul.

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Photo courtesy of Gene J. Puskar via AP Photo