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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Soul of Aaron Rodgers requests trade to new person
"Being here is a waste of my time, and I'm immortal," explained the frustrated energy.
Mackenzie Moore
Jun 11, 20252 min read


Employee fired after losing office March Madness bracket competition in first round
"Unfortunately, she doesn't know jack about hoops," said Ingles' boss.
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 21, 20242 min read
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