top of page
News


Mitch McConnell Reaching Across Aisle For Uppies
“Ah jeez, he’s doing that thing again,” sighed Minnesota senator Amy Klobuchar as McConnell extended his arms in her direction, opening and closing his hands while staring unblinkingly.
Mackenzie Moore


Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Research finds presidential election 80% more likely to not go your way if you stop watching coverage
"Yeah, voting's important, but staying glued to the TV is what really counts," said political rhetoric professor Gretchen Lyons.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 5, 20242 min read


Report: President Biden to spend Election Day in recliner eating pints of ice cream, 'giddily' kicking feet under blanket
"Come 6 a.m., you'll find me kicking back and cozied up to a cold one," said Biden, referring to a pint of Chunky Monkey.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 4, 20242 min read
bottom of page
