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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Chicagoan insisting ketchup doesn't belong on hot dogs also has strong opinions on chicken nuggets, PB&J sandwiches
"I will never, ever, ever put ketchup on a hot dog — that's for little babies," said the kindergartner.
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 19, 20242 min read


Hardworking woman requests meal train to recover from difficult period of cooking own food
"This is a time where I would really appreciate my community rallying around me," said Bennett.
Mackenzie Moore
May 24, 20233 min read


Five food mascots even sexier than the green M&M
Tony the Tiger is stepdaddy material.
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 3, 20232 min read


Marjorie Taylor Greene introduces bill to outlaw menus without pictures of food
"Just show me a picture of a taco and I will point it out to you,” stated Rep. Greene.
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 1, 20232 min read
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