top of page
News


Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


McDonald’s employee who snitched on alleged UnitedHealthcare CEO shooter revealed to be Ronald McDonald
"We didn’t expect the result to be so on the nose — a squishy red one, to be exact,” said an anonymous online investigator.
Mackenzie Moore
Dec 10, 20242 min read


Employer health insurance plan only covers doctor wearing dirty smock in dimly-lit shack
"My doc may use rusty needles, but heck — he finds a vein on the first try every time. That oughta count for something," said one employee.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 14, 20242 min read


$1 billion Powerball winner to trade ticket for five years of health insurance
"Sure, $1 billion is a lot of money. I also used to think that $10 was a lot of money, and now it won't buy me a pastrami sandwich."
Mackenzie Moore
Jul 21, 20233 min read
bottom of page
