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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Jimmy Carter looking forward to spending birthday with 'most beloved' family and friends after being gifted Ouija board
"Ah, shit. What's Brezhnev doing here?" questioned Carter of the deceased Soviet Union Communist Party leader.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 1, 20243 min read


Jimmy Carter attributes reaching 100 to 'guts, peanuts, and plenty of smut'
"I'd go and trade those peanuts in for a nudie mag down at the five and dime," reminisced the former president.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 1, 20242 min read


Jimmy Carter announces entry into 2024 presidential race: 'It's the right time'
At 99 years old, the longtime hospice patient's energy and mental faculties greatly outmatch those of his opponents.
Mackenzie Moore
May 31, 20242 min read
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