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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Phone call postponed until in public bathroom stall
"I needed the best audio quality possible, so I wasn't taking any risks — I headed straight to the men's room at Long John Silver's."
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 27, 20242 min read


Ron Johnson on not speaking up about Madison Nazi march: 'I want to be reelected'
"There's all of this conversation these days — 'Nazis are bad,' 'We need to do something about the Nazis.' My question is, what about me?"
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 21, 20233 min read


Vacation fund primarily for coffee, 'little treats'
"I haven't had a vacation in years, but have you ever had a cake pop?" said Winona, Minnesota P.E. teacher Eric Wilcox.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 4, 20232 min read


Teachers unions to strike unless given right to smack one kid per quarter
With major strikes happening across the country, many teachers are calling for a strike of their own. While most would assume they would...
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 3, 20232 min read
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