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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


‘The media is real quiet about this’ says guy who never reads the news
"We need real newsmen — not people who tell me which Disney princess I am,” vented Nelson, indicating that his primary point of reference is Buzzfeed.
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 17, 20251 min read


United States government to crack down on school shootings by banning schools
“There have been over 360 school shootings since Columbine, and believe me when I say that I now find this unacceptable,” said Sen. Cruz.
Mackenzie Moore
Feb 16, 20233 min read


Study finds majority of Valentine’s Day candy purchased by people trying to ‘be their own Valentine’
“I’m sorry, but could you please leave me alone?” said a woman scoping out the fancier section of the Walgreens candy aisle.
Mackenzie Moore
Feb 14, 20232 min read
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