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The Slug Report
The latest news delivered at a slug's pace
News
Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore
Trump deported to El Salvador after stating 'homegrown criminals are next'
“Please disregard any images of the first lady popping champagne, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear," said press secretary Karoline Leavitt.
Mackenzie Moore
Penguin-only islands targeted by Trump tariffs ‘strongly considering’ military action against United States
“You ever seen ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’? We are conniving sons of bitches," threatened eastern rockhopper penguin Bruce Elliot.
Mackenzie Moore
Swifties scrambling to decipher Easter egg after Taylor Swift spotted eating bologna sandwich
“The sandwich has lettuce and tomato on it. Am I the only one who doesn’t think that’s a coincidence?” questioned user loverlass22.
Mackenzie Moore
Dec 9, 20242 min read
Kamala Harris, Slim Shady, and rolling out of moving taxis
The Desk 7/23/24
Mackenzie Moore
Jul 23, 20242 min read
Taylor Swift uses big Grammy win to announce purchase of Kansas City Chiefs
"I took a look at my pocket change and thought 'Taylor, you deserve a little treat. You should buy the team.' So I did!" said Swift.
Mackenzie Moore
Feb 5, 20243 min read
Taylor Swift elected Speaker of the House
"What she lacks in political experience is made up for by her lack of political experience," said Rep. Ralph Norman.
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 15, 20232 min read
Taylor Swift, government shutdowns, and eating grass
President Biden appeared at the United Auto Workers strike today, saying he supports them getting a raise and to "stick with it." Soon...
Mackenzie Moore
Sep 26, 20232 min read
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