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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Gov. Tim Walz caught red-handed coping with Election Day stress by cooking entire potluck dinner at 1 a.m.
"This is what I do, Gwen. Now you can help me shred this block of cheddar or you can go back to bed," said Walz to his concerned wife.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 5, 20242 min read


The Desk: Election Day 2024 edition
The Desk 11/5/24
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 5, 20242 min read


JD Vance on birth control policies: 'I'm a staunch supporter of the pull out couch method'
"Fact is, who needs condoms or pills when you could just get some latex gloves and make a quick stop at IKEA?" said Trump's running mate.
Mackenzie Moore
Aug 7, 20242 min read


Walz returning to education as middle school lunchroom monitor in preparation for potential vice presidential debate
The newly-announced VP pick says he'd like to get used to debating those who are "cranky and unreasonable" due to underdeveloped brains.
Mackenzie Moore
Aug 6, 20242 min read
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