“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.

"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.

“Please disregard any images of the first lady popping champagne, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear," said press secretary Karoline Leavitt.