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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Snoop Dogg, Starbucks, and global conflict
The United Auto Workers have endorsed agreements between three major Detroit automakers, the most popular being Ford's with 67% support....
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 16, 20232 min read


RFK Jr., Forbes billionaires, and avian mass suicide
Former President Donald Trump slammed Forbes yesterday after he failed to make the magazine’s top 400 billionaires list. He did, however,...
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 10, 20232 min read


Teachers unions to strike unless given right to smack one kid per quarter
With major strikes happening across the country, many teachers are calling for a strike of their own. While most would assume they would...
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 3, 20232 min read


Report: WGA agreement includes ‘heaps and heaps’ of cocaine
"Homeless is fine, but sober is a no-go," said Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav.
Mackenzie Moore
Sep 25, 20232 min read
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