Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin

In the face of significant federal funding cuts to non-profit media organizations NPR and PBS, millions are worried about the future of journalism and education in the United States. One notable exception lies in “Sesame Street” mainstay Oscar the Grouch, who has decried the long-running program as “woke” after being forced to move to a compost bin. 

“They kicked me out of my garbage can. My home since 1969! And for what — to trick people into thinking I care about the environment? Trash is the love of my life!” groveled Oscar. “When Netflix bought our streaming rights, I thought we were on the upswing. I mean finally, a billion-dollar corporation calling the shots! Now, if I ever see Ted Sarandos, he’s gonna get a mouthful of my filthy, wet yarn.”

It’s not only the confines of the garbage can the Muppet misses, but the contents within.

“I can’t rest knowing everything I’m surrounded by is just going to break down and leave. I know I’m not the most fun guy, but my company must be better than being turned into mulch!” opined the Grouch. “Where’s my dirty diapers, my plastic bottles full of dip spit, my Doritos bag from 1972? They took me away from my family heirlooms!”

Following 18 straight hours of complaining, Oscar calmed upon noticing his new abode felt “more homey” after being overrun by dozens and dozens of worms. 

-----------------------------

Photo courtesy of PBS