Trump deported to El Salvador after stating 'homegrown criminals are next'

After defying Supreme Court orders to return wrongly deported Maryland resident Abrego Garcia, Donald Trump continued to disregard the law on Monday by telling El Salvador president Nayib Bukele “Homegrown criminals are next. You gotta build about five more places.” 

In line with his request, the 47th president of the United States and 34-count felon was deported to El Salvador as of roughly 2 a.m. this morning. 

“This is bullshit. They didn’t even let me put my face on first!” said Trump, the spitting image of Jabba the Hutt after being extracted from a vat of bleach while on the cusp of death. 

Wiggling around in handcuffs like a pregnant caterpillar having a stroke, the former reality star shared his feelings on the matter.

“I haven’t been this enraged since I learned that the scrub who shot me at the rally was a white guy. He could’ve just shot himself in the foot and called it a day!” spat the commander-in-chief. “My people will avenge me! Melania, pappy’s coming home!” 

Meanwhile, White House officials report Melania Trump to be “heartbroken” over today’s events.

“Please disregard any images of the first lady popping champagne, high-fiving, and grinning from ear to ear. As anyone with a heart can understand, her fear is unimaginable,” said press secretary Karoline Leavitt. 

Further, Leavitt encourages Americans to give the president’s wife grace.

“While ghouls in the media will undoubtedly post videos of her cheering while burning the president’s clothing on the front lawn, true patriots understand that everyone grieves in their own way. Mrs. Trump just happens to grieve by partying with male models and yelling ‘I’m so happy! Oh god, for the first time in 20 years, I’m happy!’" concluded the statement.

There’s no telling when — if ever — the president will return to the United States. However, supporters and detractors alike can rest easy knowing that Trump kept his word. 

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Photo courtesy of public domain CC 1.0 Universal