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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Report: Anti-fascist Columbia University demonstration somehow not work of antifa
Despite "anti-fascist" being the namesake, antifa oddly only seems to be blamed for pro-fascism events.
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 30, 20242 min read


Tourists, rat holes, and blobfish Weinstein
The Desk 4/25/24
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 25, 20242 min read


New York earthquake, Alabama police, and Conan
The Desk 4/5/24
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 5, 20241 min read


Giuliani sells decades-old prized dead bug collection after filing for bankruptcy following defamation suit
"This was my first," said Giuliani, wiping away a brown tear as he picked up a cockroach from the 1960s.
Mackenzie Moore
Dec 21, 20232 min read


George Santos 'looking forward' to going back to old life as astronaut, surgeon
Note: This interview has been thoroughly fact checked.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 20, 20233 min read


Trump explains why he valued old, rotting treehouse at $100 million
"I have fond memories of my nanny carrying me up that tree from the ages of five to 15," said Trump.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 8, 20232 min read


Packer fans’ cheese eating session more emotionally charged today
“I ate a block of sharp cheddar like it was a candy bar, but not in the fun way I’m used to,” said Packers owner Greg Kilovsky.
Mackenzie Moore
Mar 15, 20232 min read
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