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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Raygun announces retirement from breakdancing after being offered spot in Trump's cabinet
"The way she hops like a kangaroo — it's like nothing I've ever seen before," said Trump.
Mackenzie Moore
Nov 7, 20242 min read


Meth celery, spine cracking, and the best Dutch man to bully
The Desk 8/14/24
Mackenzie Moore
Aug 14, 20241 min read


Celine Dion, Flava Flav, and the Olympic blunt
The Desk 7/29/24
Mackenzie Moore
Jul 29, 20242 min read


Kamala Harris, Slim Shady, and rolling out of moving taxis
The Desk 7/23/24
Mackenzie Moore
Jul 23, 20242 min read


Tonight's 'real debate,' Olympic doping, and bread roulette
The Desk 6/27/24
Mackenzie Moore
Jun 27, 20242 min read


Catty politicians, Parisian bedbugs, and the Nobel Prize
Rep. Matt Gaetz filed a motion this evening to strip House Speaker Kevin McCarthy from his position. It'll be tough to make happen, but...
Mackenzie Moore
Oct 2, 20232 min read
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