Tonight's 'real debate,' Olympic doping, and bread roulette

House Speaker Mike Johnson clarified Donald Trump's implication that President Biden will be on cocaine during tonight's debate, saying "no one actually expects" that to be the case.

Morphine, however, is a given.

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Olympians including Michael Phelps and Allison Schmitt testified that they have lost faith in the World Anti-Doping Agency due to clear bias in handing out penalties. This comes after it was learned that 23 Chinese swimmers tested positive for a banned heart medication ahead of the Tokyo Olympics, yet were still allowed to compete with the excuse that the athletes ate "contaminated food" at their hotel.

In other words, China heard the old "I don't smoke weed — I just eat a lot of poppy seed muffins" trick, threw a Hail Mary, and won.

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A new study concluded that vitamin supplements not only don't help, but may raise the risk of early death.

So if you ever find yourself wondering how Keith Richards is still alive despite decades of varying types of drug abuse, remember that he at least cared about his body enough to not take a daily multivitamin.

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Ahead of tonight's presidential debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, RFK Jr. has announced he will be holding the "real debate" in which he will respond to the same questions in real time.

Given that RFK Jr. will be appearing alone and nobody will have actually asked him anything, the "real debate" will presumably be between himself and the ability to accept basic rejection.

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The FDA has warned the bakery brand behind names like Sara Lee and Ball Park to stop labeling their products as containing potentially dangerous allergens when they actually do not.

"Just keeping our options open," replied the company.

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Tesla is recalling nearly all of their Cybertrucks for the fourth time since the model was introduced in November.

So if you know someone who shelled out their savings and took out a loan for the bragging rights of being one of the first to own the vehicle, wait and see how happy they'll be when they're actually the only one to still have it.

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Photo courtesy of Rod Lamkey/AP