Family Vacation Ruined By Dad’s Toes

Unknowingly jeopardizing his family’s trip as well as their general psychological well-being, Peter Stiegel's loved ones looked on in horror as the 62-year-old shamelessly squeezed his bunion-clad feet into flip flops for the third consecutive day of the household’s week-long tropical vacation. 

“Dad was talking about the detailed budget he set for this trip the whole drive to the airport. If I’d known then what I know now, I would’ve asked him to let me skip a meal so he could buy himself some antifungal cream,” said Stiegel’s visibly shaken daughter, Laurie, who used all of her PTO to participate in the bonding opportunity. “When mom said we were going to Cancún, I was hopeful we’d make some sweet memories—now I’d forget everything I hold dear if it meant being freed of the image of my father squeezing the white-sand beach between his yellow-nailed grippers.” 

Though his wife, Jeanie, is reported to have been asking for a couples vacation since the pair’s 10-year anniversary trip in 2006, the matriarch was immediately grateful to have the whole family staying in the same hotel room after being startled by the ghostly sight of her partner’s thick-shelled hammertoes.

“It’s not that I expect him to look like he did when we got married, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that his feet look like they’re attached to someone who’s still alive,” explained the ashen, baggy-eyed woman. “Now that I’ve seen them in the daylight without the usual knee-high sock buffer, I shutter to get into bed with him. Last night, his cold, scratchy big toe touched my leg and I had no choice but to go smoke a cigarette in the bathtub.” 

Following yet another tense breakfast in the hotel lobby, the family was immediately struck with relief upon Stiegel suggesting the crew rent some flippers and go snorkeling. 

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Photo courtesy of eliazar via CC BY 2.0