Iran War, March Madness, and Conan O'Brien's Cleavage

In a Senate Committee on Intelligence hearing on Wednesday, Tulsi Gabbard referred to Iran’s government as appearing to be “intact, but largely degraded.”

Asked to expand on the findings, the top intelligence official described the country as having high cholesterol, advanced cognitive decline, and “unlikely to keep it together for 18 holes today.”

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An injured mother manatee and her calf were rescued from a river in Florida and taken to rehabilitate at SeaWorld, officials said.

The same rescue team also found a woman with a curling iron burn and proceeded to help her by setting the rest of her body on fire.

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Trump stated the U.S. did not take part in Israel’s attack on the South Pars gas field, a resource responsible for roughly 80% of the power generated in Iran. 

The United States would’ve been involved, but it took too long to explain to the president that South Pars is not a fictional cartoon town located in Colorado. 

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17.9 million people tuned into the Oscars on Sunday, a 9% drop from last year.

Those who decided not to watch cited bad timing, long commercial breaks, and Conan O’Brien not showing enough cleavage.

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Venezuela has won the World Baseball Classic, beating the United States 3-2 in the finals. 

In response, Trump invited the victors to a celebration at Guantanamo. 

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March Madness is here, a three week stretch when blue chip and long shot schools alike compete to bring their teams to glory.

Or, in your boyfriend’s case, the blissful time of year when he gets to pretend his sports gambling addiction is a completely normal activity nobody needs to worry about.

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Photo courtesy of AMPAS