Man’s favorite sub shop whatever’s located in hospital

The dining experience is multifaceted. For most, the food itself is the highest priority. However, another big consideration is the ambiance – aspects like lighting, temperature, seating, and music are all determining factors in where people choose to eat out.

If you ask Carl Howard, the ideal restaurant environment has painfully bright fluorescent lighting, is chilly enough to require a jacket, only has plastic chairs, and provides a constant stream of miscellaneous beeping noises.

In other words, his favorite restaurant is whatever's located in a hospital – which just so happens to almost exclusively be sub sandwich chains.

"Subway, Jersey Mike's, Potbelly...whatever, sure. What I want to know is if it's located in St. Mary's, the Lurie Children's Hospital, somewhere more local, or if I'm going to switch things up and take a chance on a different medical institution – it's always important to try new things," said Howard.

Contrary to the assumptions of most, the Winnetka, IL resident doesn't prefer eating in a clinical setting to reminisce about a former career in medicine.

While Howard is retired, he never worked in such an environment – he was a used car salesman.

"Before I go 'n get some grub, I like to wander around the parking lot and take note of models I used to sell the most. I may not be working anymore, but you'd be hard-pressed to find someone better at selling Honda Accords from '05 to '08," bragged the 64-year-old.

Almost as important as the hospital itself is the people Howard notices.

"In most hospitals, the people you're most likely to see buying a sandwich — aside from me, of course — are nurses and doctors. But in some places, especially the more rundown spots, you can see the patients getting something to eat. The rougher the shape, the more interesting," explained Howard.

Just about any hospital requires patients to stay in their beds while cafeteria food is brought to them. To combat this, Howard had to develop a knack for finding hospitals that are nice enough to be in business, but rough enough that there's a Subway in the lobby.

"It was only yesterday that I saw a guy with two black eyes and a knife in his head wolfing down a footlong turkey sub. From what I could hear, it was completely dry, too – no mayo or anything. It almost sounded painful to get down," chuckled Howard. "Come to think of it, I'm not certain that the man had gotten any kind of first-aid yet. He wasn't wearing a gown or anything – it's as if he decided to have a meal before seeing to the gaping wound in his skull. Huh."

Howard realized his love for the peculiar dining experience while working as a valet driver in his 20s.

"Back in the day, I was working at this swanky strip club out near Malibu when one of the clients ran out clutching his chest — excitement got the best of him, I suppose," recounted the father of one. "Next thing I knew, he and I were booking it to the hospital. Once we got there, I realized how starving I was, so I bought a sandwich at the main level Quiznos. That day, my life changed forever."

As he gets older, the beloved ex-husband has had to come to the grips with the idea that once he's rushed to the hospital, there's a good chance he won't be lucky enough to be wheeled out with ham on wheat.

When that day comes, Carl Howard has a clear request.

"Take my body, cremate it in a toaster oven, and put my remains in a plastic sandwich bag."

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Photo courtesy of run dorkas run via CC BY-NC -SA 2.0