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Lindsey Graham’s Funeral Includes Separate Roommate Section
"He was quite the devil back then too,” chuckled 71-year-old Gary Hall. “Except it was less pro-bombing and anti-autonomy, more pro-tickling and anti-me shaving my chest hair.”
Mackenzie Moore


Primates Announce ‘Planet of the Apes’ Takeover: ‘We Only Held Back for Jane Goodall’
“We were going to do this back in the '60s, but then Jane Goodall traveled to Tanzania and saved your parasitic asses,” said Banjo, a chimp representing Rwanda.
Mackenzie Moore


Oscar the Grouch decries ‘woke’ Sesame Street after being forcefully moved to compost bin
"They took me away from my family heirlooms!" complained Oscar, referring to dirty diapers, plastic bottles full of dip spit, and a Doritos bag from 1972.
Mackenzie Moore


Newly-graduated anatomy major still unaware of ways of the female body
"I know about as much about chicks as Charles Darwin knew about Bitcoin,” admitted Rundgren.
Mackenzie Moore
May 19, 20252 min read


Water bottle unwashed for weeks begging for mercy
"This is no way to treat the things you claim to care about, Stacy!” pleaded the dent-ridden Hydro Flask.
Mackenzie Moore
Apr 9, 20252 min read


Joe Gow to replace Jay Rothman as president of Universities of Wisconsin: 'Wisconsin education needs an attentive lover'
"Sure, I'm not a generous lover. Heck, I'm not big on loving in the first place — I don't take 'no' for an answer," said Rothman.
Mackenzie Moore
Dec 28, 20232 min read
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