Water bottle unwashed for weeks begging for mercy

As the trend of switching to reusable water bottles continues its upswing, many consumers feel good about how their decrease in single-use plastic benefits the environment. 

However, in helping the planet, millions are also partaking in neglect by overlooking routine maintenance of their hydration vessels. Such is the case in Lincoln, Nebraska, where one Hydro Flask is begging for mercy. 

“Please, it’s been weeks! I know you’re busy living your life, but I’m drowning in your backwash. This is no way to treat the things you claim to care about, Stacy!” pleaded the dent-ridden canister. 

While the Hydro Flask’s owner has been running from class to class as well as working a job on her college campus, the excuses fall on deaf ears — especially given that the object has none. 

“When you brought me home from that Target, you agreed to the responsibilities that came along with it. I’m not just some plaything for you to cast aside whenever you want. I have needs, dammit!” implored the 40-ounce flask.

In lying to herself about only using the bottle for water in an effort to push her duties down the road, the 22-year-old is forcing the everyday sidekick to bask in a plethora of bacteria. 

“You don't have to fill me with Fiji, but Pedialyte is where I draw the line! That powder doesn’t just evaporate. It’s crusty in here, you hag!” cried the stainless steel container. 

Despite having a wide mouth, the humble water bottle’s sobs were silenced after being sentenced to a fate crueler than death by a thousand bullets — namely, a protein shake left to congeal overnight. 

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Photo courtesy of Tony Webster via CC BY 2.0